That Surprise

5 years ago, around this time in April (since then I have forgotten the exact date because it was a little shocking.)

I was 18 years old & enjoying life. Didn't care about anything else but having fun & being 18! I had made an appointment to get on birth control... not a huge issue just a regular doctor visit. Well if you have been to be put on birth control then you know you have to take a pregnancy test... that's where it all began.

I took the test & right away they told me I was pregnant. Shock #1.
Then they say "we can do an ultra sound now..." "oh look at that, it's twins & they are about 16 weeks along"

16 WEEKS. That's 4 months! I had been carrying twins for 16 weeks & had no idea. Not a sign. Literally, nothing. Still had all those monthly "girl issues," no morning sickness & I still sliding perfectly into my double zero jeans.

I really messed up, I ended up staying far away from school & didn't even get to graduate with my friends. But I did graduate & I didn't drop out. Which I was proud of.

By 20 weeks I was showing, but not twins showing. I had a BAD urinary track infection & that was when they told me I had a boy & a girl! Not long after I had an appointment that changed everything.

Everything.

The nurse, or who ever she was, was showing me the babies on this wonderful scan of the babies, up on this flat screen TV, it was when those 3D images were becoming more popular so I really got to see them. Well my son, he took over while my daughter was hiding, but I saw enough of her to fall in love. Then it happen. The look on the nurses face changed. She look worried, she didn't hide it well either. Then she said "I'm going to go get the doctor." And hurried out. I broke down. I had no idea what to think or what was happening.

The doctor came in & ran the ultra sound wand over my growing stomach again. Then nodded his head. He was focusing on the area where my son was. Then he says, "Baby A (so technical) is pushing down on the lining of the uterus. You have about a 3mm keeping him in. His umbilical cord is on bottom & he is pushing down on it." This whole time I'm in tears, talk to me like I'm 18 & have been pregnant for only six weeks, not over 20 weeks! He continues to say that I will need to be admitted & put on bed rest until they can see what's going on & that I'm now "high risk."

This time my mom was able to drive me to the hospital in Charlotte, NC where I would begin this journey of a high risk pregnancy. I was put on monitors & given an I.V which made me pass out & get yelled at for lowering the kids heart rate... excuse me this is a fist for me!

After a few days, I haven't gave birth yet so that was a good sign. I was home. On bed rest. Again. Nothing but the bathroom, no hot showers & don't stress. Sure. My grandma stayed with me & I ate a lot, a lot of good food.


Back at the hospital I was, this time I wouldn't leave until October. Taken in an ambulance this time.  Being on bed rest at home wasn't doing it & it wasn't close enough to a delivery room incase anything happen. Well I laid, for 6 weeks in the hospital bed. I peed, weighed & sat for 10 minutes on the balcony. Sleep & here nurses say "it's not just about you anymore!" in a high squeaky voice that made me was to punch them.



Time went by & went by. Pains came & left, check ups came & went. 67 pounds gained & two growing babies made sure I was never comfortable in any position. The morning on October 7th 2008 I woke up with pain but it wasn't bad & the nurse said my water hadn't broke. I told her it was just pressure & she said it's probably from them moving around so much now.

I laid all day texting my mom about how I felt. It didn't hurt, it was just a pressure feeling. Nothing uncomfortable. I asked for my normal TWO BIG MACS & FRIES & of course my chocolate milkshake! Ate it. All. Then is happen. PAIN! Pain like I have never felt in my life. A voice said "well honey you've been in labor all day, it's time for these babies to come!" I have NEVER in my life wanted to hurt someone so bad. All day??? And all I heard was I was just feeling the movement. Ugh!

I could hear the noise & see all the people running around getting me ready to head to the operating room but it all sounded like white noise. I panicked, I cried & I told my mom I wasn't ready. This was 8 weeks early. I had 8 weeks to get ready to be a mom, not a hour! This has to stop. STOP. STOP!

8:25 p.m

Well it didn't & after seeing my burgers again in a pink dish, I was laying on a table numb from chest down. Didn't even feel the giant needle they shoved into my back.
8:34 p.m

Then I heard it, the sound of "Baby A" that cry. I will never forget. My son. My baby boy. My minute older child. They held him over the blanket to show me then he was gone. Taken away so fast to be checked on & put on whatever tubes he needed. Then it was time for my princess. My girl. And nothing. No cry. No scream. Nothing. Silence. I felt my heart stop. I was dead for that few seconds. All this time I was scared to death to have twins & now I needed them both. I needed her to be here. I needed my kids.

8:35 p.m

Then it happen... that girl screamed! She cried & she was NOT happy! They held her over the blanket & a tear ran down my cheek. There was my girl! My drama queen. I was sewn up quickly & taken back to my room. The last thing I saw was my family, in the hall, so happy. Then I was, asleep. For hours.

1:30 a.m (October 8th 2008)

I woke up to a phone ringing & a nurse standing over me. Did I need anything? Yes, I want to see my babies! No.

"No, not yet." That's what I got. A no, not yet. Who does she think she was stopping me from seeing them?? No. Then I was back asleep. The next morning they told me what had to happen. First I had a catheter.. I didn't know I did but I did. So that had to be taken out before I could get up. GET IT OUT!

11 p.m October 8th 2008
The NICU


Finally. Finally!!! I get to see my babies! Over 24 hours after having them, they get to feel me again. I had seen pictures but that wasn't enough. I need my babies.

Boo, my boy. 5 lbs 7 oz 17 inches long. Premie?? Yes he was early but he was chunky premie! But still so tiny, with his arms behind his head, chilling in his little heated box.
Cami, the princess. 4 lbs. 10 oz 17 inches long. My tiny girl. She was the looker. She watched me, from the time I was wheeled in... washed my hands (3 minutes) & then over to them. She watched me.

I held them. I loved them.

From here it was a waiting game. When can they go home? Oxygen needed, scares & alarms. When will they be okay? Why can't I stay through shift change & how long do I have to come home without them?

1 month later, Cami came home. A week later Boo came home. It was happening.

I was a mom. An 18 year old mom with twins. They couldn't leave the house or see people. Keep them germ free & warm.

I will post more later on about the scares since birth. But right now I want to enjoy this time they aren't a whole hand old. I can't believe 5 years old is coming! It scares me. Things need to change & not just with them. I have some work to do as well.

I miss my little babies, I miss the cries & I miss the baby stuff.
I love the jokes & songs, the things they couldn't do as babies.

God help me reach 5 years of motherhood without loosing my mind. Let this "phase" of not liking the word "no" pass. Let us get through this & become better. A better mom, a better listener, a better person.